An Outsider's Look
by Avila Grace
Summary: A look at Roy and Pam's relationship and what led Pam to Jim. Tried hard not to be bias at all. Written as if it's from someone looking down, no emotions or thoughts of original characters linked.


A/N: This story is going to be a bit unique. The idea came to me while I was babysitting. I am going to write this story as a simple observer, with no prejudice one way or the other. I'm just going to observe Roy and his relationship with Pam, why he lost her. Why she picked Jim over him. No emotions attached. Just pure clinical observation.

The beginning of the relationship had been something completely different for Pam. She was the nerdy, artsy girl that sat at Table 34 in the cafeteria with the kids that ate bologna sandwiches with faces every day and muttered about how the world had changed since Shakespeare had been around. She was the girl that answered every question right in her arts classes, her literature classes, any classes that could be deemed within the reign of "Humanities."

He, on the other hand, was the boy that was more of a man. There was no doubt he was the "popular kid" in school. He was a state-champion wrestler, which was a big deal in Pennsylvania. He was starting quarterback for the football team. He was the kid whose only shot of going to college was a scholarship. He partied on the weekends, got drunk on the weekdays as well, barely passed in every class, and had the body that every girl wanted to "tap."

They'd met one day in detention. He was in detention; she was the girl in charge of making sure boys like him stayed in detention. He'd landed his seat in room 402 by flicking off the art teacher, Mr. Giddings. She'd landed the role of mother and disciplinarian by having too many credits and no classes to fill them. He'd claim it was his charm, she'd claim it was his abs, but somehow, he got her to let him out of detention. And there started the romance between "artsy fartsy nerd" (his term) Pamela Beesly and "super hot jock" (his term), Roy Anderson.

He was her first boyfriend; he had no idea how many girlfriends he'd had in the past. She'd felt intimated by his experience and his physique. She'd felt some sort of rush at being "his girl" (his term). He'd been looking for something more from her. He'd thought she was very pretty, but he was sure he wouldn't know until he saw her naked.

She hadn't been ready the first three months they'd dated. She probably hadn't been ready the first time they'd had sex, either, but he'd been nagging her for a while and she was curious. Her parents were never the type to talk to her about sex. So on a cold day after she'd failed a Chemistry test miserably, she'd been to exhausted to fight against him as he pressed his body into hers, and she'd let it happen.

They'd made it almost a nightly ritual, with the exception of three weeks where Pam thought she might have been pregnant. Roy had been supportive. As supportive as a high school boy can be when he finds out his girlfriend might be pregnant. But, when the blood came back and they found out she wasn't, everything returned to normal. Both of them enjoyed the act. They got pleasure from it. They liked exploring each other's bodies. Roy genuinely thought Pam was incredibly sexy.

They'd gone to junior college together, never once breaking up to date other people. They'd spent most of their time together. Roy spent more time out with his friends than she did with hers, but she didn't seem to mind. Roy's degree took less time, as he was just going to say he went to college. Pam was going for graphic design which was normally a five year study. Roy graduated early, finding a way around taking certain classes, and got a job almost immediately as a "warehouse and supply agent" at a local paper company, Dunder-Mifflin.

The sex between them wasn't as frequent anymore, and neither of them really felt like exploring. They'd see each other naked so many times they could probably find their ways in the dark. It was sporadically, occasionally, and although Roy still thought Pam was sexy, he wasn't keen to telling her. The butterflies once trapped in Pam's body for Roy had flown out years ago, and with no solid backbone to their relationship, the sex was the only thing holding them together (and, by her omission, and his, it was "great" sex).

Toward the end of her fifth year, he'd started hinting at her that she should get a job. She'd applied at different restaurants and such, not sure why he was pressuring her. When he finally proposed to her on Halloween night dressed as a sumo wrestler, she'd been overjoyed. She'd felt the relationship was going nowhere, but being engaged seemed to put a new bounce in her step, even if she had been dressed as a cat.

He'd convinced her to quit school and find a full-time job then, to pay for the wedding. She'd reluctantly agreed after much bickering, but he had insisted, claiming she could always go back, and he could support her on his salary at Dunder-Mifflin. She'd looked for jobs that night, finding one at Dunder-Mifflin and applying also, eager to surprise Roy.

When she'd gotten the job, he hadn't said much. His form of congratulations had been to insert his part A into her part B, which was stimulating for her, but she could have gone for some cheesecake. She'd started the following week, answering the phones, and he hadn't thought to do much for her. She'd started regretting quitting art school, and Roy had started to regret proposing, but they were still in love.

A few years passed, the sex becoming less frequent, the fireworks associated with it becoming dimmer, the feelings of love fading. But Pam still had the engagement ring on her finger, and she was determined not to fail. They were still saving up for a wedding with no date, when she met Jim. He was a pleasant man. She thought he was cute, and he made her laugh constantly, but other than that, there wasn't much of an attraction.

She started having headaches the nights he tried to initiate sex. Affirming their love, through words or deeds, became less frequent. Roy's love wasn't lessened. He knew he wanted to be with her, it was just that he'd become comfortable in just being there with her. He didn't know her needs, and to be honest, she didn't tell him. They were drifting apart, slowly, but the memories of high school, college, and all they'd been through together somehow seemed to sustain them.

The more she got to know Jim, the more outspoken about her desires she became. She still didn't say much. Part of her was still intimidated by the person he was. His "jock" status. She could see the look on Jim's face when he looked at her. She was in denial that she looked back at him the same way. So was Roy.

She'd nearly broken up with Roy on the Booze Cruise, but she hadn't. She didn't want to throw away ten years of her life. And he'd surprised her, anyway, by announcing the wedding date. So she'd decided to stay. And they'd begun planning their wedding. She wasn't in love with him. She hadn't let herself acknowledge it, but she knew it was true. He was still in love with her, though. He just didn't know how to show her. He thought he was showing her. He thought when he came home asking for sex he was showing her that he loved her. That she was sexy.

But she didn't see it that way. She didn't realize that he thought she was sexy or beautiful. She didn't equate his desire for an orgasm with love. Maybe if he'd said something she might have. But to her, it was just sex. It wasn't making love. And she wanted to make love. And he didn't understand what that meant.

On Casino Night, Roy left early to go drinking with his brother and their friends, leaving her behind with Jim. They'd teased each other for a short time before Jim had blurted out that he was in love with her. She felt frozen. The words in her mouth were different than the ones that came out. She was in denial. She didn't want to be in love with Jim. She didn't want to throw away ten years.

When he'd kissed her again, she'd known. She'd felt like she had that first moment with Roy, as if she was desired and wanted. But with Jim, she felt more than that. She felt loved. She had this strange sense that he loved her and that's why he was kissing her, not just because it felt good.

She'd gone home and told Roy it was over, leaving him for good. It had been a long talk, and Roy had tried to listen. He'd cried when she'd left, feeling so unbelievably depressed at how badly he'd failed. He'd only wanted to show her how much he loved her. But he hadn't told her enough. He knew that. And now she was leaving him to be with someone who would. He knew that too.

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_Review please!_


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